Don't feed your horse carrots

Comments from  the old mare.

I just wanted to introduce myself, I am the old mare in the corner stall and  I have a few things to say.

1st.  Stop! bringing home all those  new horses to "MY" barn.

Enough is enough.  Have "YOU" ever herd of the #ONE ?

Am I not good enough for "YOU" anymore and besides,  I am tired and way too old anymore to share "MY" pasture with anymore teenagers.   "YOU" let them all out first and then "YOU" put me out, with a slap on "MY" behind no less,  how degrading.

Then I hear a "OK, old girl, show them who's boss".

Try that stunt one more time, and I will  do more than slap "YOUR" behind.

"YOU" show those young-en's who's boss for a change.  After all, every time I push "YOU" over to get to "MY" Oats, " YOU"ME" that " I am the boss around here!" are always telling "

Ya, like that will ever happen!

Next, can we just talk one minute about "MY" figure.

I AM NOT  A FAT OLD GAL ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Fat old mar

So do not be so skimpy with that Oat can.

And sending in my picture to Equis  for the cover article, under the title

"Is your horse too fat?"

Was not funny!

Was not funny at all!

By the way,  trust me,

I will get even

with "YOU" for that one.

We will just see who is TOO FAT!

And another thing,  Do " YOU"  think that " I" don't know " YOU" are up at 5 am drinking that coffee.

Do  "YOU" realize, " I " can smell it all the way out to the barn.

First you cut back on "MY" oats so that "I" am starving , and then "I" have to wait until "YOU" decide to come to the barn at what ever time "YOU" please.    "I" can not believe that "YOU" actually expect "ME" to  wait until 5:30.  

What are "YOU" thinking?

COFFEE time is over, " MY" fine two-legged friend!

Get up, put put "YOUR" pants on and get "YOUR" butt out  to the barn.  It  is time to feed "ME".

I know that I am "YOUR" favorite and  I can tell when you are feeling bad.  Especially on those days  when you want to take only  "ME" for a ride for "YOU" can talk.   I have to tell you, I do not mind the yelling or even the  tears, but to tell you the truth, "YOU" don't need them. There is a better way.

Next time, you are upset with someone, just watch what I do.

First,  the moment that they get even close to  a nibble of your Oats, you have to just  completely stop, slowly raise your head, and give them the "I dare you to do that again, Look!"

Sometimes, that might not work for some of the more thick headed ones around here, so if they don't back off, give  them just one  more warning.  I like to pretend I am going to eat them alive. I rush at them with with my head low,  month open,  teeth bared  and ready to take a quick snack.   Just like I do  when "YOU" are not fast enough with that feed can.  

Why do "YOU" do that?  Are "YOU" just out to  torture "ME" ?

OK, back to that one who pissed "ME" off.

If that did not stop them in their tracks, go onto step three.  I have perfected  this technique over the past twenty-five years, so I know it works.    I aim for  one solid  hit  on the lower rear flank with my right  hind foot, shoes-on of course.   If you do this one correct, this will work  every time.

I just let them know right up-front how I feel about it.

The great thing is, once I tell them exactly how I feel about it, it's  all over.   I pay never- no-mind to it.  I just  finish going  about my day. No more being upset,  no more yelling,  no tears,  just life, eating grass, happily waiting for supper to be delivered.

I cannot take the time to worry about what the heck they are thinking.  I have far too  much to do around here.

Herding all those young ones, and having to make sure I get  "MY" share of all those treats.  PS, did I ever tell  "YOU" that "I" love, just  really love peppermint candy.  I thought "YOU" should know that fact about "ME".

One more thing, if it is a stallion,  go directly to step  number three.

horse treats carrots

I want way more than the rest of the herd, after all, if "I" am "YOUR" favorite, "I" should have more than the rest.  Who makes up the rules in this barn anyway?  I will tell "YOU" who.

"ME",  that's  who!

Lastly, never and "I" do mean never, never  again try to clean the stall while "I" am eating.  How disgusting is that?  Have "YOU" no stall manners at all?

Worse yet, please  no more  of that  pathetic whinnying on the way to the barn.   I like the crabbier you better.  Who ever told "YOU" to  act like a horse anyway!

Just  this once, give me a Break!

"YOUR" so called . . . .  SPOILED, but not "FAT", Old Mare

Just  make sure  "YOU" bring "ME" all of  "MY" EXTRA CARROTS!

Happy Easter